Why I spend most of my time in bed watching Netflix

In the words of Deapool "Life is a series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial like moments of happiness."

I had a pretty shit childhood, my mum barely looked after me and then shoved me off to a dad I couldn't remember who then couldn't be bothered so let me stay at my grandparents with a man who he knew was a rapist every single weekend. I then got put into Foster Care where my first carer abused me and all my other carers kicked me out after a few months. After that I got put into a Residential Unit For Children With Behavioural Difficulties and the other kids were far from nice pretty much all the time, which led to me self harming which led to more bullying and abuse. When I moved out I lived in a few different places and then moved to Winchester for university. Over all this time I also dated some dickheads just like a lot of people.

When I first got to uni I was actually in a relationship with a guy I thought I'd be with forever even though he'd cheated on my because I was stupid and blind and didn't realise that he was emotionally manipulating me. I broke up with him and then he wouldn't leave me alone. I started seeing a guy who was never honest with me and ignored me so I stopped that and now I'm with my current boyfriend and he's pretty great (when he's not ignoring me for his gaming, yes he's doing that right now). My past is probably the reason for what's coming next. Life is pretty calm right now apart from my head.

See for some reason even when shits okay my brain likes to fuck me. I feel pretty sick all the time which is enough to annoy someone without Anxiety but let's be real everyone has anxiety. I have something called Emetophobia (fear of vomiting) which is just great when I feel like puking all the time. I also have Agoraphobia (fear of being trapped) which is why I can't go on public transport and sometimes it affects me on car journeys too. I even struggle in my uni classes, waiting rooms and the cinema/theatre. As well as those two I have an eating problem. I wouldn't call it an eating disorder I love food and I'm pretty happy with my weight I'm just scared of getting ill from my cooking or certain foods and going to restaurants (that ties in with my Emetophobia). With both of my phobias and my eating problem I struggle in a working environment, I get panicky because I feel trapped at work and I get scared about being sick or being around sick people so I don't have a job at the moment and I'm scared to get one because every time I've had one my mental health has got worse and I get a lot of panic attacks which makes me depressed and I really don't wanna go down that road again.

So they you have it, my reasons for spending most of my time in bed watching Netflix. I'm bored as hell all the time and I'm running out of stuff to watch but what else do you do when you're sick? That's what I am: sick and there's nothing I can do about it but wait until I get my counselling. I fucking hate being sick as does everyone else in the world but I'm stuck in this cycle and it's probably never going to stop.