Needing help

I've spent the last few days listening to Julia Michaels and feeling miserable. All I can think of is what I was talking about in post 'Asexual or just PTSD'. I keep thinking about how me ex messed with my head and I'm not the same anymore. I want to get some counselling for it so I can talk about it properly but I've been on the waiting list since September last year. See they don't care unless you actually try to kill yourself. It doesn't matter how much you're suffering, you're just never bad enough to actually get treated without waiting months or even years. I was put on the waiting list because I have food anxiety and I barely ate anything and I was losing weight. you would have thought that would be enough for them to try and help me quickly since I was basically starving myself. See the thing is they won't see you until you're really really bad which means that you end up having way more issues than you did when you first needed help which also means that it takes longer for them to treat you and then it takes longer for them to help the next person on the list. Some people end up killing themselves before they even get help. if they helped people as soon as you started needing help rather than waiting till you're at breaking point they could save more people and they wouldn't have such a high demand but unfortunately it doesn't work that way and they can't change it now otherwise all the people in the deep end will definitely drown but they wouldn't have so many people in such a bad state if they had just helped them when they first needed it. My friends can only help so much, they aren't professionals, they try their best but they can't help me like a professional can. I wish I could talk to someone who can actually help me feel better and change the thoughts in my head.